Mass_Distractions

No one will ever mistake me for some hugely obsessive gadget gal. Some say I'm more the analog type. It's not that I'm anti-technology, it's more that I'm cheap. Why buy the newest and hottest gizmo when my old one can do half the stuff in twice the time? Like my 15-year-old Goldstar 13-inch TV. It gets most of the colors, and I like having to get up and change the channel with the dial that's kinda broken. I use pliers. I call it vintage cool. I spied a similar one in an antique store for about double what I paid for it brand new. Read more

So, "IT" is gonna revolutionize my life. Yeah, sure. Only if "IT" can make a zero calorie cheesecake with an actual taste, or a waterproof mascara that can last me through "Terms of Endearment" without looking like a raccoon. Otherwise "IT" is just another version of "New Coke" to me. And we all know how that fizzled. What is "IT"? Don't ask me. In fact, don't ask anyone. Unless you know Jeff Bezos or Steven Jobs or venture capitalist, John Doerr. These guys have seen "IT" and they are gushing. They say "IT" is going to rock our world. They say "IT" will change how we live. They say everyone will want "IT". Right. Have you looked at their stock prices lately? What do they know? They probably liked New Coke. Read more

I'm thinking of getting my eyes fixed. You might be tempted to think I'm referring to plastic surgery since I've spied a couple of… shall we say 'laugh lines' around the eyes. And I'm horrified to admit there's even a deeper furrow to my brow these days. But, I gotta get real close to my mirror to see it. And this being Los Angeles, where anything over 25 years old gets a face lift (buildings, women, men, resumes) it's not a stretch to think I'd want a little surgical enhancement. Which conveniently brings me back to my point. The eye job I'm thinking about is not a little nip and tuck, I'm contemplating having the hippest new surgery: laser assisted in-situ keratomileusis - better known as "lasik" eye surgery. Thousands of the myopic masses are getting their retinas roasted and living large lense-free. Read more

Frederick's of Hollywood is going bust. Apparently the 53-year-old company known for its risqué and I'd say, sometimes tawdy undergarments is having a midlife crisis. So they're undergoing a bit of a restructuring. Who isn't by that age? Frankly, I'm undergoing a bit of restructuring myself. The earth's gravitational force seems to be having an excessive pull on certain anatomical pairs. My earlobes, nostrils and regrettably my mammary glands have joined Frederick's and fallen on some hard times. And now we're all looking for something to lift us up. Read more