The Ugly Truth

Here is the ugly truth. Beautiful people tend to make more money and get better promotions and have more power than the rest of us. As one boss used to say to me in a rather dismissive manner, “that’s stating the obvious with a sense of discovery.” Or as my nephew might say: DUH. But, now it’s a scientific fact. That is if you consider economics is a science. In this month’s edition of that blockbuster magazine “The Regional Economist” two employees of the St. Louis branch of the Federal Reserve Bank analyzed previously reported data on height, weight, appearance and wages. What they found is that looking good pays off handsomely.

This is great news. Now I can officially blame my genetic inheritance of my father’s ears, my mother’s nose and my Aunt Ida’s gelatinous hips for a career stymied at middle management. Although I can’t help but wonder about the validity of the findings of these two Federal Reservists. After all, their ultimate boss is Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, considered by some as the most powerful man in America. While he may be the main man monetarily, even his most irrationally exuberant fans would agree he’s not likely to show up on any list of Sexiest Man Alive.

In fact, a quick side-by-side comparison between People Magazine’s list of sexiest people and Forbes Magazine’s roster of richest folks has, shockingly, no overlap. For my money, Jude Law’s hot hot hot looks (Am I having a personal summer or is it hot in here?) ain’t nothing compared to Paul Allen’s bazillions. Frankly, there’s nothing more attractive than Sam Walton’s male offspring and their voting block of Class “A” Wal-mart stock. Hey, is it hot in here?

The report also stated that titans of industry tend to be taller than the average. The tall tale they tell is that the height-advantaged get 2.6% more in salary per-inch than the average-heighted. The writers opined that it might have something to do with tall people getting a boost of self-confidence. Perhaps from the rarified air up there? So, let’s take a look at the bottom line. Ghandi with his 5-foot-3 frame took down an empire, Picasso at 5-foot-4 launched an artistic movement, movie mogul Danny Devito tops out at 5-feet even and Napoleon at 5-foot-6 briefly ruled the world, until that Waterloo thing cut him down to size. And let me point out disgraced Worldcom chairman Bernie Ebbers is towering at 6-feet-4. Case closed.

And here’s the skinny on women, weight and wages. The study says that fat white women make less money than their more slender compatriots. Did these folks take into account Charlize Theron’s career? She’s that willowy actress who won the Academy Award only after porking up by 30 pounds for her role in “Monster.” Okay, so she played a murderous sociopath but she absolutely chewed up the scenery. And Kirstie Allie of Showtime’s “Fat Actress” has turned being overweight into a lucrative cottage industry. If regular t-v adds ten pounds, how does she fit through the cable?

One of article’s co-authors confessed to being of ‘median’ appearance. I guess that’s somewhere between not terrifying little children and winning a date with Angelina Jolie. He told me he was surprised at the number of people who are angry about his conclusions. But maybe he can win them back by getting his boss Chairman Greenspan to raise the interest rates just on those tall and slender people. Now that would be beautiful.

By Stephanie Becker