Show me the Scandal

To paraphrase Cuba Gooding Jr., show me the scandal. As a junkie of political intrigue the “leaking” controversy swirling inside the Washington beltway just hasn’t grabbed me. I know it’s a bad bad thing that someone out-ed a CIA operative (who then did a photo shoot for Vanity Fair). But, even those in the know haven’t given it the seal of approval by distinguishing it with a “–gate” label.

It’s definitely lacking a certain deliciously devilish quality… there’s no blue dress, no haggling over what “is” is, no Oliver North secretary smuggling shredded documents in her boots, no shady characters named for porno flicks looking suspiciously like Hal Holbrook lurking in dank parking lots and no flagging down sources with flower pots. For those of us who came of age watching the demise of the Nixon White House, it’s really hard to get dedicated to a political hot potato in which all the main characters could be played by Jason Alexander. They all seem to have earned their pasty paunchiness from biting the hand that feeds them. Karl Rove claims the reporters leaked to him, the reporters accuse Rove. Of course all of this on double-super-secret-cross-your-heart-hope-to-get-indicted-by-a-special- prosecutor-deep background. That must explain why everyone is spilling the beans. Frankly, there’s enough finger-pointing going on to start a new exercise craze.

My interest could hinge on whether Karl Rove has to trade in his pin stripes for prison stripes thus taking the term Neo-Con to a neo level. Rove’s greatest detractors are hoping to tear down the GOP’s political architect for blowing agent’s cover. Although I just can’t picture the President’s loyal lieutenant sitting around crocheting prison ponchos until his release like M. Diddy – you know, the felon formally known as Martha Stewart. Although, that M.Diddy Diet Plan wouldn’t be such a bad idea for Rove.

So far the only casualty in all this is Judith Miller, the New York Times reporter. A federal judge tossed her into prison for not coughing up her Deep Throat for a story she didn’t write and was never published. Go figure. I’m not sure incarcerating the 57-year-old journalist really teaches anyone a lesson. After all Miller is part of that cadre of professionals who share cramped quarters for low pay, thriving on whining and dining on horrendous food with no nutritional value while working around the clock. Does the judge really think sharing cramped quarters for no pay eating horrendous food is going to break her? I also wonder about the unintended consequences of embedding an investigative reporter in our prison system. One has to assume that a Pulitzer Prize winning scribbler is going to be inclined to write ‘what I did on my summer vacation behind bars.’ I can almost smell her next Pulitzer for those prison diaries.

Maybe being out here on the West Coast, with Michael Jackson and OJ and Cameron Diaz and Robert Blake has made me set my scandal meter too high. Or maybe my threshold for acceptable behavior by politicians and pundits is so low that nothing is going to shock me out of my summer doldrums. Although I might be reeled in if Mr. Rove started wearing a blue dress or showed up for a cabinet meeting in his pajamas with an aide shielding him with an umbrella. Now I’d be interested.

By Stephanie Becker