It's a small world?

Last week was a triumphant one for the little things in life. Like justice and calorie counting. Here's how I came to my little theory. First Martha Stewart. While I can't quite accept the notion of a 'jury of her peers' since none of the jurors were ever seen wearing a fur neck-piece (the latest in felony fashion?) the guilty verdict did send a message. Juror number 8, Chappell Hartridge (decked out in plain black scarf) was the first to speak. He called the decision a "victory for the little people." While the husky Hartridge certainly didn't fit the bill physically, he and the 11 other 'little people' certainly cooked the domestic diva's goose.

Need more evidence of the week's tiny triumphs? It became a smaller world after all for Michael Eisner. Disney's Big Cheese lost his job as Chairman. It appears he was partially done in by the public outrage of small investors along with a small number of defrocked board members. They included an original Disney - Roy - whom Eisner seemed to consider nothing more than goofy. Eisner initially said that Disney's astonishing resemblance to his Uncle Walt swayed people against him. Among the knocks against Eisner -- a severance package given to former Disney executive Jeffrey Katzenberg. It didn't help that Eisner was caught calling the 5-foot 4-inch Katzenberg "a little midget." It's a small world after all and Katzenberg got something like godzillion dollars.

Godzilla though isn't exactly raking in the dough and will soon be gone-zilla. After 50 years of monster mayhem it seems the gargantuan creature is getting long in the tooth (or fang) and is now hardly a colossus at the box office. Although about 100-million people have seen his 28 films we learned this week the reptile retires in a finale due in December. The fearsome lizard who supposedly towers between 165 and 330 feet high (his height fluctuates almost as much as my weight) is really a mere mortal in a 110-pound rubber suit. The suit is so heavy a second person has to wag the tail. Alas more startling news -- the worlds that the creature has conquered are just 1/25th actual size. Godzilla's really crushing skyscrapers the size of baseball bats. That sure cuts Godzilla's feats down to size.

Cutting feats down to size is may be what will happen if last week's San Francisco Chronicle is to be believed. The paper suggests baseball slugger Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi super-size themselves with a little help from some powerful steroids. Better hitting through amino acids. Or perhaps the boys of summer merely gained all their added bulk with McDonald's super-sized feasts. If so, they're in for some unhappy meals. The fast food giant announced last week it's downsizing its portions by dropping the 'super-sized' option (or as they say in McDonald-speak the option is a victim of "menu simplification.") For those who find the loss of the 610 calorie-fest hard to swallow, you can always order the same large sized repast with its 540 calories and smother it with a slathering of mayo.

And I must admit, there was another exception my theory of this week's little victories: John Kerry, who all but won the Democratic nomination. The man is a monster as presidential candidates go -- topping out at 6 feet 4 inches. If he wins in November he'll tie Abraham Lincoln as the tallest chief executive ever. Kerry is head and shoulders above his nearest current rival, Dennis Kucinich, the closest thing ever to an elfin candidate. Some political scientists (politics is a science?) buy into the theory that the tallest candidate always wins. That's about as good as anything else in explaining the 2000 election. Seems At 72 inches, Al Gore and George Bush are in a dead heat height-wise. So if we are playing the 'height card' this go round, Kerry's got three inches on Bush. However, no comprehensive studies have been done and it may be nothing more than a tall tale.

by Stephanie Becker