My Daughter’s First Hot Toy Christmas

I used to give the cold shoulder to the annual ‘Hottest Toys’ holiday list. That was before I had a kid. Now my toddler’s graduated into the realm of holiday consciousness, which means she understands Christmas. Not the sweet, spiritual meaning of Christmas — she simply knows that Santa Claus is coming to town and there’s a darned good chance he’ll be toting some Barbies. At three years old, she might appear too young to know what a "hot toy" is. Not so. She may be unaware of what other kids want, but she is hyper-aware of what’s on TV, and has already learned how to shriek, ‘I want that!’

For her ‘hot toy’ simply means it’s been advertised on TV incessantly, until its jingle is seared into every cell of your body, thus finally explaining the true derivation of ‘ad nauseum.’ Most of the ‘best’ toys seem to include electronic gadgetry. I’m not sure why, since parents often mention how their children get the most joy out of simple items, like, say, a cardboard box. But how many would present their own kid with a boxed set of… boxes? I doubt the distant cousins would enjoy it, either. Plus, the cousins’ parents might never speak to you again — not a bad prospect, perhaps, depending on your own personal family dynamics. Still, it’s impossible for a child to grow up today without some understanding of electronics. My daughter refused to sit in Santa’s lap, but eagerly agreed to send him an email. And her electronic toy telephone has provided hours of learning fun. It also has a loose battery connection, that means it often stops ringing and playing ‘London Bridge,’ although that never bothers her. Maybe it’s because the real telephones in our home have a similar problem — the batteries in all three cordless phones invariably futz out at exactly the same time. Learning how to manage anger in the face of technological failure? That’s invaluable.

When it comes to electronic toys, I’ve developed a theory: If It Has A Button, It Must Be Pushed. For proof, take a stroll down the toy aisle, and watch. I mean, watch the adults. For the sake of national safety, I’m hoping George Dubya has overcome this impulse — but most toy-shopping parents haven’t. And unless a toy has a LOT of buttons, and a LOT of music, and a LOT of sound effects, it will NOT get purchased. But don’t forget this theory’s corollary: The More Buttons A Toy Has, The More Annoying It Will Soon Become. Strangely, most parents don’t grasp this concept. They happily plunk down money for toys with rows of push-buttons, then when their precocious darlings have mastered button technique, they curse the toy and gnash their teeth. I’ve seen it happen — in my own home. So much for the intelligent species.

So what’s a parent to make of all these ‘hot toy’ lists? I say, relax. During a hectic holiday season, suggestions are helpful. And children are living proof that humans love gadgets and electronics, even from birth. So buy the buttons, buy the tunes, buy the doodad gadgety geegaws. Don’t feel guilty. Just make sure you can easily press the most important button of all: the OFF button.

by Laura Hitchcock