2005 Hummer H2 Sport Utility Truck

The gaping mouths from the group of high school boys assembled in the parking lot says it all. The new Hummer H2 Sport Utility Truck is testosterone on wheels.
As I pull up to deliver my beaming 14-year-old son to his cronies, the boys and men gather round as if pulled by a giant magnet. How appropriate that commercials for this new Hummer truck connect it to Transformers, a boy toy that morphs from vehicle to mighty robot. Some would describe this vehicle as both.

Its four doors and short truck bed provide the ultimate toy for those who want to play in the woods. But it has its drawbacks. And that’s not just coming from a girl. Those same high school boys had their own practical criticisms once they climbed around in this ’05.

They weren’t the only ones with comments, either. Onlookers were at no loss for words: “This thing is bigger than my first house,” “What IS it?” and my personal favorite “You could invade neighboring states in this.”

The Good News
At first blush, one might think this truck isn’t much truck, not in the cargo-carrying sense. With the four-door/five-seater interior intact, there is only about 30 cubic feet of truck bed. That will carry a large cooler and a few tools. Certainly not the dirt bike, surfboard, jet ski - the kind of gear Hummer owners would want to carry. And you won’t get any help from a fold-down tailgate, because it swings out and holds the spare-tire mount.

You will, however, get help from the Midgate. If it sounds familiar, it’s a term GM coined with the Cadillac Escalade and Chevy Avalanche. The Midgate is a combination of rear window that powers down and a rear seat that folds forward, eliminating the barrier between cabin and truck bed. Although it could get a little breezy in winter, the Midgate configuration affords a four-by-six foot flat pickup bed that accommodates much more stuff.

An added perk: One touch lowers four windows and the back glass for open-air cruising. Standard sunroof provides sixth opening. It’s practically a convertible.

Beyond its cargo expansion, there is little to distinguish the H2 SUT from the original Wagon. It rests on the same Chevy Tahoe/GMC Yukon chassis whose overhangs have been shaved to allow for much more treacherous off-roading. The engine is GM’s gargantuan 6.0-liter V-8 producing 325 horses at 5200 rpm and 365 lb-ft torque at 4,000. That’s mated to GM’s heavy-duty automatic four-speed.

For all its stature and girth, the H2 SUT is mostly civilian. It accelerates with remarkable quickness and reacts much more nimbly than you would expect. The wide-track ride propped atop those big fat gnarly tires feels ultra-smooth and stable. It may look like heavy-duty machinery, but it behaves like a good-natured SUV.

That essence of GM continues into the cabin, once you scale 10 inches of ground clearance and a perch of a seat to get there. You’d swear you were in a Suburban if not for all the deliberately exposed bolts, industrial strength air conditioning vents, big seats and the fact you can’t reach the windshield. The message is “Yeah, I’m bad. Sort of.”

Seating holds five. Standards include heated front and rear seats, Bose sound, leather. Options include navigation and CD player.

Outside, the H2 SUT is the same big ol’ square thing. Looking out over the H2’s blunt angles makes you feel like you’re driving a UPS truck. But, hey, the UPS drivers get used to it.

With that ground clearance, skid plate protection underneath and the ability to tackle a 43.6-degree slope, this H2 SUT is all Hummer. It runs full-time four-wheel drive that can be switched electronically between a 40/60 front-rear torque split for operation with differential unlocked or a 50/50 split with differentials locked.

Then there are three different transfer case settings. Altogether, they give the driver optimum adaptability for the nastiest off-road challenges all the way to dry pavement.

The H2 may not be invincible like the H1, but the comfort and everyday driveability tradeoffs are worth it. It goes where few other SUTs dare to tread and come back intact, yet remains relatively polite on pavement.

The Bad News
In no particular order:

• The back seat is amazingly cramped for such a big vehicle.
• It’s not the easiest ride to get into and out of, although steprails and strategically placed handles make it doable.
• Even though the H2 is not as wide as the H1, it’s still a big, honkin’ vehicle. If life takes you into tight or low-ceiling places on a daily basis, forget it.
• It gets 10 miles to the gallon city/13 highway. Happily, the tank holds 32 gallons so you’re not tethered to a gas pump. Unhappily, expect terse remarks from environmentally sensible people and a personalized Christmas card from Exxon.

Price
Manufacturer’s base, $51,995;
Price as tested, $58,070

Is it worth it?
Serious off-roaders will adore this SUT because of its go-absolutely-anywhere mentality and willingness to take a gang and, now, major gear along. But I suspect most buyers will be less enthralled with this truck because I don’t think too many Hummers are bought for utility.

I also think people are coming to their senses regarding these gargantuan vehicles. Hummer’s sales decline indicates that. GM is looking to the more reasonable midsized H3 that was just unveiled to ignite interest again.

That’s not to say Hummers aren’t fun, however. Even though there were places I needed to go I avoided because I didn’t want to try to park it. Even though I struggled in and out with arms full of stuff and was self-conscious about its blatant consumption and endured countless gaping stares from people who figured surely I must be part of some cross-country promotional tour for Mountain Dew, I confess there’s something outrageously fun about a Hummer. I understand people wanting to sit way up there surrounded by all that metal, to be able to spot their vehicle anytime anywhere from literally blocks away, to astound boys everywhere just by driving past them and, most of all, to not look like anybody else on the road.

But is it worth the money, not to mention the gas?

Only if you plan on invading neighboring states.

Website: www.hummer.com

During her 16 years reviewing new vehicles, Beth Stein has written for Nashville's dailies (circ. 185,000), national magazines and BestStuff.com. She appeared coast-to-coast on-air for Road Test Magazine, Car And Driver Television and Motor Trend Television.